Takes me a good thirty seconds to realise ‘hottie’ was me.
“Oh sorry, hello”
“So, do you come here often?”
Didn’t start off well really did it. I mean that’s the scraping of the barrel.
“Erm no I don’t actually, this is my first time here”
“I can tell, you’re very unsure of yourself in here aren’t you? I’ve watched you since you walked in”
Great. Fucking great. Why do I always end up…
It’s Saturday night. I’m currently sitting with some maltesers and a takeaway. However, in my head I’m playing the sexual innuendo game, where you take everything someone says in a sexual way.
“I knew it was going to be too big when I felt it”
“Maybe if I rubbed it”
“Her over the road trimming her bush this morning…”
I’m having so much fun right now.
Laughing and trying to hold it in like…
Have you ever been in a clothes shop and you’ve turned around so quickly that you’ve knocked a mannequin over?
Have you then apologised to this mannequin and their dismembered arm laying on the floor?
I did try to put it back on but managed to put it on backwards so it looked like it was doing a strange ‘Dad Dance’.
I’m so glad it’s Friday.
Things that have annoyed me today:
1. Packets of crisps that are only half full. Don’t give me “at least you’re saving some calories” shit. I want crisps. I want the calories. I want the whole deal.
2. When you want to get a baby wipe out of a packet and you end up pulling out four all at once. This isn’t some like wipe orgy jeeeez guys I’m a one at a time girl I’ll have you know.
3. People who…
Have you ever seen something on a social networking site that made you feel a mixture of anger and hurt?
Have you then also seen this shit, played Destiny Child’s ‘Survivor’ 9 times and then blocked them via every social networking route?
I just did.
I’m nothing and no one special but I don’t have to put up with that. I’m standing my ground, being all feminist and shit and saying no.
1. He or she listens.
When someone loves you, he or she will always listen intently because every word you say is yet another bullet point in the quest to better understand you. Conversations will revolve around coffee, not six tequila shots; if someone loves you, you can bet…